Let me briefly describe public transport in Lusaka. You are waiting at a bus stop. Suddenly, five minivans come screeching to a halt right in front of you. The side door of the five buses slide open simulteanously and out jump five boys, or conductors as they're called, who all fly to you like white on rice and try to grab you and shove you in their particular van which happens to be already full with 16 men and women, four babies, one crate full of chickens and a bushel of carrots. The van only seats 9 mind you. As you are squashed between two women who's combined ass space should be measured in car lengths, a baby drools on your neck. Then you must wrench your hand into your pocket (which has already been consumed by the lady's thigh fat) to pull out your greasy fare of 1500 Kwacha. You pass the money to the conductor (the driver is always silent and solemn) who requires that you tell him which stop you get get off at so that he can immediately forget it and therefore forget to give you back any change you might deserve. If you are lucky, right after you get on board the bus pulls off to a filling station in order to thoroughly waste your time and also put half a liter of diesel in the tank.
Before you get off it is always worth reading what is written on the windshield in large colorful letters. You have to read it backwards because the message is not for you. It is for the world to know what clever little phrase the bus driver has chosen to summarize his existance. From Hellraiser to Paulo Maldini to grammical wonders like Original Born to Breed, the answers to all great mysteries can be found on the windshields of Zambian public transport.
When you are about to suffocate between two buxom ladies, you usually realize that your stop is next. You customarily hiss at the conductor who has his head out the window because there is no more room for it inside the van, and he in turn flicks the ceiling of the car twice with his finger which is the universal sign that tells the conductor to pull over. You jump out of the bus, probably knee someone in the chest, and yell "Freedom" as if you were Mel Gibson, only to be consumed by a cloud of black smoke that the bus has spewed out as a farewell gesture. That's on a good day.
60 comments:
Do you think they should measure Marcus' ass in car lengths???
that's a cold comment and one that sounds like it should come from the man of hair....apologies if attributable to someone other....at any rate, me thinks that cab is the prefered mode of transport....unless, of course, u have worse horror stories concerning them
I wish I could claim such a fine piece of prose, but it wasn't hair man...
as regards the comment last.....how disappointing
The comment can be credited not to the man of hair, but to the man with hair larger than life...and larger than Marcus' ass.
Did you know, that on the sixth day, god made Marcus's ass, and it was so tiring he had to rest on the seventh?
In the winter of 2003 a small portion Marcus's ass fed an entire family of four in Iowa for three months. They tried to pay him for this, he refused to accept, that is the kind of guy Marcus is.
Sedge's favorite trait of Marcus? His applied math skillz. Her second? His amazing ass. (it just got personal)
Sir Mix-A-Lot's 1991 hit 'Baby Got Back' off the critically acclaimed album 'Mack Daddy' was originally released on an underground mix-tape in 1988 and the lyrics read as follows: I like big butts and I cannot lie. You other brother's can't deny. When Marcus walks in with an itty bitty waist, and a round thing in your face. You get sprung, want to pull out your tongue, cause you know that butt is stuffed. Since the original 1988 release, the lyrics have changed though the love for Marcus’ large ass has endured the test of time.
Marcus's ass taught me how to love a woman and scold a child.
In a recent case of misunderstanding Marcus Roupp, 22, of Newton Massachusetts, was mistakenly taken to St. Sachel's Hospital in Soux City Iowa. It was reported that he be taken there immidiately after having supposedly been left outside in the cold, unatended. The mishap occured when Marcus' ass, being largerly in charge, demanded that while in the midst of others, marcus close his gawking mouth so as not to appear slack jawed. However, Fay, being the sole ruler of said ass, made it known that Marcus' ass was hers and hers only to command. Marcus having learned this lesson long ago decided it would be fruitless to appeaes his ass, no matter how persuasive a mass of flesh it was. He was administered to a mental institute shortly there after for having thought to be a 30 year old man with severe mantal disabilities. The on looker who called authorities after spotting Ruopp defended his stance. "He was just standing there with his mouth open. There was drool all over his shirt and everything. I mean I have a cousin who has serious mental retardation. I swear I thought he was exaclty the same." After the mishap Ruopp was quoted as saying "since when does day dreaming about an ex in public land you in the nut house?" He then went on to mutter something to the effect of "oh man, when sedge was sweaty after a game...oh man the equations we put together" His ass could not be reached for further comment
Four climbers were rescued this morning after having been reported lost for over 5 days. The climbers were attempting to be the first to reach the summit of Marcus' ass. After acclimating to the altitude at the base camp of Marcus' ass the team set out for the summit on the 3rd of December. The last contact with the climbers was made via satellite radio on the 8th of December when high levels of treacherous and noxious winds were found in the area around Marcus' ass which is known to emit poisonous methane gasses on occasion partially contributing to the lack of attempts to summit the ass. The last attempt was made in March of 2001 where a team of 9 funded by Virgin Billionaire Sir Richard Branson fell victim to the perilous climb that is Marcus' Ass. The bodies were never found. A search group that mostly operated by air was sent out to locate the four climbers on December 11th. All four climbers are listed in critical condition but Doctors are optimistic. The team leader Edgar Bilotofski was quoted from his hospital bed as saying, "This will not slow me down, I will be out there in 6 months, that ass will be mine." Marcus' ass still remains the only known summit on earth never to be reached.
George Bush once offered Marcus $10 millon to have his face carved into Marcus's ass, a la Mount Rushmore. Marcus responded, "No thanks, kid" He explained that the only people he would allow carved into his ass were Noah Glass and Mitt Romney. He refused to elaborate.
ATTENTION: Due to heavy snow in the area all flights into Marcus' ass have been cancelled at this time. Please contact your airline for further information.
If you stare directly at Marcus's ass, you turn into cottage cheese. Then, Marcus will most likely put you on top of a disguting carboard-like product from wholefoods and eat you. Cottage cheese goes straight to Marcus's ass. You will become part of Marcus's ass.
It would take only 17 Marcus Asses lined end to end to reach the Moon and back.
Marcus needs a crane to wipe.
In a recent case of assault, Marcus Ruopp, previously known from the Barbera Streisand Brigade, has been accused of using his ass as a weapon. Years ago marcus' ass was classified as both toxic and danderous, to the American Public but in an act of defiance it appears Marcus' ass has leashed out against the public. While living in DC Marcus was said to have turned around quickly, having heard the lyrics to "Wind Underneath my Wings" playing at a local Payless shoe store. Having turned so viciously marcus' ass took out a schoolbus and the ensuing bus stop. Marcus oblivious to his ass' size and power continued on, leaving a wake of distruction in his path. Local authorities attempted to bring down marcus' as with Elephant Tranqualizers. However, this merely loosened up his cheeks and allowed for a constant stream of methane to leak into the air. Authorities have deamed it very dangerous ot leave the house. Marcus' ass was last spotted At a prominent whole wheat hotdog factory, where an oprah bookclub was said to occur.
Suge Knight is afraid of Marcus's ass.
Marcus's ass is bigger than his ego.
Dow Jones: + 93.12
Nasdaq: - 7.91
Pork Bellies: -11.12
Marcus' Ass: +32.53
To outsiders, it may appear barbaric but the Singapore government is certain that caning has a deterrent effect on potential criminals. But the sentencing of a young American to six strokes of the dreaded ratan has brought the practice sharply into diplomatic focus. American representatives have interfered on behalf of Marcus Deckard Ruopp, 22, from Newton, Massachusetts, who has pleaded guilty in a Singapore court to two charges of vandalism involving spray-painting cars, two of mischief for throwing eggs at cars, and one of retaining stolen property.
However, the sentence was never carried out. Upon baring his buttocks to Singapore officals, the government representatives decided that the ratan caning would have no effect on the young man, due to the size of his posterior. Ruopp has been hailed as a hero by human rights groups, as a man who forced the Singapore government to question their centuries old tradition of this cruel and certainly unusual punishment. Roupp is still in solitary confinement as the Singaporese government scrambles to find another solution.
Lance Armstrong's retirement from cycling could well be over. At a press confrence last night in Washington D.C. Armstrong announced that he is planning on taking part in the Tour de Marcus' Ass this weekend. Armstong has been training heavily as the Tour de Marcus' Ass is the second longest bicycle race. The race covers 2,718 miles over two months begining in April. The Tour de Marcus' Ass lost some prominence in the sport of cycling over the past few decades due to a large doping scandal in the late 1970s, though a coilition led by Charlie and Faye have led many in the media and in the cycling world to have a changed and more positive opinion of the race. The Tour de Marcus' Ass is the single biggest sporting event in the D.C. area as it brings in over $20 billion in revenue for the city over the course of the months of the race. The addition of Armstrong is expected to nearly double that number. The excitement about this year event is already at an all-time high as Armstrong put it, "This is the greatest and most challenging race in cycling. I would trade all my yellow jerseys for just one chance to wear the brown shorts." Armstrong is referring to the brown shorts which are awarded to the winner of the Tour de Marcus' Ass, considered by most to be the most coveted possession in all of sports along side the Stanley Cup and The FIFA World Cup (formerly the Jules Riment Trophy). Armstrong, who is still recovering from injuries sustained while running the New York City Marathon, would be able to add the completion of the Tour de Marcus' Ass to his long list of accomplishments. As once was a proud tradition in cycling the perhaps old saying will be heard once again more regularly, "See you at the Ass in April".
It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Marcus' Ass!
In 2006 comments about Marcus's ass has caused 121,278 working man-hours to be lost in various cities across the east coast. This fact has been the main cause of a dip in the US Gross Domestic Product by 1.67%. Coincidentally, 1.67% of the US annual GDP goes towards the upkeep and mantainece of Marcus's ass. Government bookkeepers scrambled to find some extra money to fund Marcus's ass, and were force to cut substantial funds from the National Institute of Health.
Scientists have discovered what they believe is the 119th element. It is identified by the atomic sign Ma and is called Marcusassium. This highly volitile element is like none chemists have ever seen. The atomic weight of the element is unknown but expected to be very high due to the large size of a single atom of Marcuscassium. What is known at this time is the elements unique ability to bond to every other element in the periodic table. Marcusassium was discovered entirely by mistake when someone left a half eaten BLT in an X-Ray machine in a Yale University laboratory. The elements uses are endless including being used as a light-weight compound for lacrosse sticks and when taken anally the element has shown signs to reverse the effects of concussions. There will a formal presentation of the element at Yale Universities' Klein Science Library tomorrow afternoon.
Baskin Robbins will do away with its 31 different flavors and now have just one called Marcus' Ass, the taste of which can only be described using a language of an indigenous tribe found in the Rain Forest of Costa Rica.
Marcus's ass is so big, it's bigger than Sam Leonard's ass.
Marcus: I disapprove of your ass, but I will defend to the death your right to shake it
Chris Leak, you just won the Tostitos BCS National Championship, what are you going to do now???
I am going to Marcus' Ass!!!
Marcus’ Ass announced that it will run for President in the year 2008 as an independent. With a long and storied history in politics Marcus’ Ass should make a strong run for office. Marcus’ Ass, in an unconventional move named its running mate, Marcus’ Balls, very early in the campaign. This move could pay off big for the two as they are able to establish their stance on such issues as the environment, health care reform, and acceptance of large asses nationwide. Hillary Clinton already showed signs that she is slightly intimidated by the ass stating last night in an interview with CNN, “I am not going to lie that big ass scares me, I may even consider dropping out of the race. I just don’t know right now.” This is a surprise to many in the political world, especially Marcus’ Ass running as an independent. Marcus’ Ass does have obstacles to overcome including his involvement of a fraternity incident that involved a goat, a lacrosse stick, three freshman girls, a half pound of dry ice, and a George Forman Grill. Many analysts feel that this is just the beginning of what should be a heated presidential race.
Ever since the second grade, Marcus had dreamed of going to medical school. After years of being groomed by his Faye and Charlie (which featured time in of the northeast's most prestigious public schools and a glorious but costly 4 years at New Haven), Marcus finally received his acceptance letter to the University of Massachusetts Medical School located in Worcester. This was the culmination of what Marcus had worked for. Marcus, never know for his jumping ability, jump a clear half a foot off the ground when he got the good news. It was a time for celebration.
At the orientation to medical, Marcus turn a few heads, this time not for the right reasons. Marcus noticed members of the administration looking in is direction and whispering to each other. This made him a but nervous, but he thought, "Hey, I'm accepted, I've got nothing to worry about." He couldn't have been more wrong. After orientation, the dean and chancellor of the school, Dr. Aaron Lazare, walked up to Marcus, "Mr. Roupp, I don't really know how to say this. Looking at your grades and MCAT scores, it would really be an honor to have you at this school, but..."
Marcus knew was was coming. In his life, "buts" always had to do with "butts".
Lazare continued, his voice getting softer and filled with sympathy "The size of your, ehem, buttocks is too large for our facilities. With a behind that large, the University would have to enlarge all of it labs to accommodate you. Firstly, we'd need to knock out all the doorways, and once you got in there you would be knocking over all types of beakers and such. I'm sorry, we would love to have you here, but the expense would be to great. My condolences."
Marcus was stunned. All that he worked for, gone. Marcus was supposed to putting the ass in UMass, instead, he would putting the ass in embarrassment.
From that day on, Marcus decided to turn political. His populist message gained momentum in Wisconsin, Texas and Tennessee. He eventually led the Million Ass March on Washington. His speech, with the famous line, "Ass not what your country can do for you, butt ass what you can do for you country," brought the crowd into a frenzy. It eventually led Congress to back a bipartisan bill to never allow a University to discriminate against a student because of the size of their ass. Marcus, once voiceless, had become the voice of the asses.
The growing number of fine restaurants popping up on 5th avenue in the heart of Brooklyn's Park Slope continues with the arrival of Chef Jean Guy Sebastaine Luc Francoise to the area with his new restaurant The Tiger's Den. A quaint space with dimly lit surroundings and tables drapped with authentic fake tiger hide this space alone makes the dining experience enjoyable and unique. What really sets this restaurant apart is that it serves only one dish, but it is what most would argue is the finest dish in all the world. A filet of Marcus' Ass served at market price (which was $1860/g the day I visited The Tiger's Den) is a wonderful treat that can be enjoyed in so few restaurants. The ass used at the tiger's den is the freshest shipped daily from Moscow where the most abundant and saught after free-range Marcus Ass can be found. The filet is prepared with a scrumtious cherry wine sauce and complimented by fried root vegatables, and a cous cous with diced pear and yak semen. There is an extensive wine list so that you can choose the perfect wine to compliment your Filet de Marcus Ass. A reservation is highly recommended and will likely need to be made 3 to 4 months in advance.
Marcus loves mutual assturbation.
All those people who think the war in Iraq is just about money and oil are just silly misinformed conspiracy theorists. We all know it is a war over Marcus' ass.
Marcus's ass has a certain je ne sais qua.
If a butterfly flaps it's wings in Thailand, does Marcus' Ass jiggle in Washington?
Local New Haven nightclub/bar Toad's Place has banned Mystikal's "Shake Ya Ass" from DJ's playlists. On February 22, 2003, Marcus Ruopp caused mass injuries to Yale and Quinnipiac students by shaking his ass too violently to the song. Dozens were taken to local area hostipals with injuries ranging from cuts and bruises to concussions and broken bones. Apparently, too caught up in the songs loose, larger-than-life southern beat, Roupp did not heed the lyrics, "Shake ya ass, but watch yourself." Marcus did not watch himself, and the result was nearly deadly for many young clubgoers.
Patriots Injury Report 1-21-07 vs. Colts:
Harrison, Rodney - S - Doubtful - Knee
Brown, Troy - WR - Questionable -Flu
O'Callaghan, Ryan - OT - Questionable - Flu
Wright, Mike - DL - Questionable - Flu
Brady, Tom - QB - Probable - Right Shoulder
Ass, Marcus' - QB WR S LB RB OT DT C K P CB - Probable - Concussion
Marcus's ass: Women want it, men want to be it.
The MTA announced today that the construction Manhattan's second avenue subway line would have to be halted temporarily due to a large piece of Marcus' Ass that was found underground midtown. The piece of ass is estimated to be nearly a mile wide and goes down into the ground almost three quarters of a mile. The reason why this piece of Marcus' Ass has not affected other subway lines because the second avenue line is being built deeper in the ground than any other subway line in New York. The piece of ass could make a permanent end to the construction of the line. East side residents are up-in-arms over the news as they have waited many years for the line to be constructed. "Are we second class citizens because we live on Second Avenue?" stated Carnegie Hill resident Josh Cohen. At this time the MTA is not releasing any other information at this time except that construction will not continue for some undisclosed amount of time. The Marcus' Ass cannot be drilled through due to various environmental acts from the 1980s. Also many MTA officials feel that the piece of Marcus' Ass is too dense to drill through in a cost effective manner while adhering to the strict enviromental restrictions. This is not the first piece of Marcus' Ass found in New York, nearly half of Brooklyn sits on a piece of Marcus' Ass that actually continues to grown down into the earth at nearly 10 feet per year. Pending further geological tests on the enormous piece of Marcus' Ass the MTA plans to have a press release in the next month regarding the future of the construction of the subway line.
After tiring of the long, straining reach around his ass to wipe, Marcus decided to invest in a bidet. After going many home improvement stores, Marcus decided on the ShitSpray3000. This was a top of the line model, guaranteed to get the job done. After sparing no expense, Marcus could not wait to try out his new purchase. Unfortunately, the ShitSpray3000, although it sprayed with a pressure of 3000 pounds per square inch (a level used to clean elephants at the circus), could properly extricate the excess waste from his crevasse. Marcus was destroyed. He returned to the Home Depot and demanded his money back. They refused.
With nowhere left to turn, Marcus wrote a letter to ABC’s Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. The producers of the show jumped at the chance to put Marcus’s heartbreaking story on the air. When hosts Ty Pennington and Paige Hemmis knock on his door, Marcus broke down crying, he knew that his problems would be over. After shipping Marcus off to St. Bart’s for 3 days, the crew went to work, tearing down the entire apartment complex just to help Marcus realize his bidet dream. Upon his return, Marcus fell to his knees in ecstasy. The entire crew, and indeed most of America, waited outside the bathroom after Marcus christened the new commode. As he opened the door, the smile on Marcus’s face provided so much joy to the crew that they were almost able to ignore the horrible stench. The show had a Nielsen Rating of 77.8, the highest of any TV show ever. America, with tears in its eyes, celebrated.
While most Americans are familiar with the chronic disease asthma, few have yet to hear of a deadly new disease on the horizon, Assma. Short for Ass of Marcus, Assma has been likened to "elephantitus of the buttocks, but with a mind of its own" by Howard Kinnear, Dean of the Emory's Rollins School of Public Health. Kinnear, an expert epidemiologist, is worried just how much havoc Assma may cause in the next ten years. Indeed, the Center for Disease Control (CDC) has actually put Assma on its watchlist for new deadly diseases. However, for CDC Director Albert Fansworth there is hope: "Right now, Assma is not an infectious disease. There is only one host. But can you imagine if this thing started spreading? All of Washington D.C. could be wiped out in a matter of days with all those asses flying about." The only recorded case, one Marcus Deckard Ruopp, resides in Washington D.C. and is being kept under close surveilance. Ruopp is currently unaware of his condition because his ass has taken control of his brain. Doctors believe this might be best for both host and ass until more research can be completed on the disease.
In the midst of one of fashion's biggest weeks the designers in Milan seem to have unveiled one of their finest showings in recent memory, complete with some astonishing surprises. Alexander McQueen and Donatella Versace turned heads with their clean and sober looks, a nice turn from the over the top runway shows that have been present in Milan over the past decade. The biggest surprise came from an American designer, Marcus Ruopp whose collection titled "Maximus Posterior" was sleek and casual. Ruopp got his start in fashion in one of the most famous fashion articles every written as he modeled for a spread on Yale University fashion for The New York Times Magazine three years ago. From there slowly making connections in the industry Ruopp went from model to designer. His trademark, which he revealed in Milan this week, is an double large extreme balloon seat style pant. The pants are inspired by Ruopp's own incredibly huge ass. Some of the items in his show used over nine meters of fabric on the ass alone. Though in the fashion world a new designer is rarely this risky many are singing Ruopp's praises including Raf Simons at Jil Sander who said, "Marcus' look is fabulous. God, with that large behind behind it all, this is a look I could really get behind. I would like to get to know Marcus on a professional and personal level, you can certainly let him know that." Marcus Ruopp is slated to show some of his spring designs shortly, but undoubtedly look for broad and bulky asses to be part of the collection.
Plastic surgeons are standing by as one Marcus Ruopp deliberates on signing away his ass to benefit mankind. It has recently been confirmed that the fat of Marcus' ass is a perfect material for female breast implants. It all started when Californian Governor Arnold Schwartzenneger pledged free breast implants for all women in the state of California. It is estimated that Marcus' ass, while not a renewable source, is large enough to service womens' desire for larger mammaries well into the 3rd millenium. When Schwartzenneger heard of this, he knew it was the only way he would be able to keep his outlandsih promise to the people of California. A source close to Marcus' Ass had to back a way quickly, but not before hearing Mr Ruopp mutter, "Dude...I do love fake tits dude." As the world watches and waits, we can only imagine the tight clenching Marcus' ass must be going through as it waits for Mr. Ruopp's decision.
pASSed over...That is what many feel the academy did to actor/director/writer/producer/composer/special effect technician/cameraman Marcus' Ass for his film "Remedy For the Lost Soul of a Traveling Child". Many thought that Marcus' Ass would be nominated in numerous categories including best actor, best director, best screenplay, and best score among others. Many feel that the academy was unfair for not including Marcus' Ass because it is in fact an Ass and not a person. The academy is only prepared at this time to award an Oscar to actual humans. At a press conference on Tuesday afternoon academy spokesman John Pavlik became defensive when he was questioned by reporters, "Did Lassie get nominated for an Emmy? Did Shaggy win an Oscar? Did Alvin win a Grammy? No, no they did not this is not a person we are talking about it is an Ass. These awards are for people." While Pavlik brings up a good point some still think it is unfair the spokesperson for Marcus' Ass, Marcus Ruopp said, "Man, dude, this is not cool man. Marcus' Ass is a great actor, writer, and director, it should not matter if he is an Ass." The academy should prepare for the same problem next Oscar season as Marcus' Ass will finish filming his epic autobiographical film next month, "Number Two if by Land, Number Two if by Sea" and surely will be deserving of some award attention. In the meantime many prominent actors including Forrest Whitaker and Kate Winslet, best actor and actress nominees are boycotting the awards until Marucs' Ass gets the recognition they feel it deserves. "Marcus' Ass is what I model my acting after." said Winslet, "Marcus' Ass is larger than life both literally and as an actor." At this time the academy is attempting to defuse the situation, but it is anticipated that the outrage over the snubbing of Marcus' Ass from the awards will continue up until the awards on Sunday, February 25.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks;
otherwise it will digest itself. Marcus' Ass has to produce a new layer of protective fat every two weeks; otherwise it will take over the world.
5,280 feet, seems to most like a random distance to make up a mile. Few know the reason that a mile is 5,280 feet. This is the distance of Marcus' ass measured end to end at birth. At historic meeting taking place in the winter of 1984, The National Society of Weights and Measures in Washington D.C. decided that this obscenely enormous ass should make up the United States distance for a mile. Now measuring at well over 150,000 feet it is hard to believe how much it has grown so much in little over 20 years. The ass has grown but the measurement remains the same.
I used to think “dumps like a truck” was just an expression that flamboyant rhythm and blues artist Sisqo used to sing about. Then I saw Marcus’s ass. He has dumps. They are like a truck. Indeed, a large truck.
Make it clap!!!
People think the San Andreas Fault was is has to do with plate tetonics and geological fault lines and the such. It's really just Marcus's butt crack. Word of warning: when he farts, just make sure you get in a door jamb (FYI:it's not "door jam", I just looked it up).
The thing you forget about when you look at Marcus's amazing ass? What an amazing person, kid, dude, man he is.... Yo.
There was groundbreaking news out of Silicon Valley yesterday. Developers at Intel found a chip that operates up 20 times faster than the Core 2 Duo Processor which is Intel leading processing chip implemented today. The chip is actually Marcus' Ass shrunk down over a million times. Marcus' Ass, which is made entirely of organic matter and has remarkable processing speeds has long been known to have impressive processing speeds of Marcus' Ass have always been known the real challenge has been shrinking it to a size feasible for today's modern computer. Shrinking it from over fourteen miles across to just under an inch will well go down in history as one of the most impressive feats of science. Researchers did not reveal how they created such a small version of Marcus' Ass they were quoted as saying while looking on at the small computer processing microchip, "This is how God must feel looking down at that big beautiful round ass every day." The chip should be made available to the public next fall.
In New Haven, Connecticut there were thirty-two arrests made this weekend after New Haven police officers were called to a residence three blocks off-campus of Yale University due to a noise compliant. According to police reports when they showed up to the party there “was over a hundred people outside on the front yard." Police entered the party, which was not a party at all but a finger jabbing orgy, and investigated the house. During the investigation police found various illicit drugs, multiple animals being used for sex acts, and also a Marcus' Ass of beer. A Marcus' Ass of beer is equivalent to 55 standard 16 gallon kegs of beer totaling 880 gallons of beer. A container of beer so large is illegal in all 50 states, and can only be legally purchased in Nepal. The arrests included the seven men who lived in the house and who are being charged with the possession of a Marcus' Ass of beer. If convicted they face 25 years to life in prison with out parole. It is not known how the seven young men gained possession of the Marcus' Ass of beer and any further information is pending investigation.
I AM HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just ate a small Japanese woman alive!!!
Many men, many, many, many, many men, wish death on Marcus's ass. Lord it don't cry no more, don't look to the sky no more.
I am sorry that it has been so long. I have been vacationing at my home on Marcus' Ass. We don't have an internet connection there so I am unable to post. The wife and I prefer to keep ourselves secluded when we vacation on Marcus' Ass. I just love it!!! It is so wide and expansive, it seems like there is no one else there at all. The weather was great, though a bit windy at times. I cannot wait to go back in a couple of months!!!
Orwell originally wrote in '1984' 2+2=Marcus' Ass
Marcus, The Man
Marcou Roux, The Myth
( ) ), The Legend
Commenting on Marcus's ass is so out, hipsters in Williamsburg have begun to do it ironically.
Post a Comment